Military Mom #5

The role a military parent plays when there is a war is a very active role indeed. The parents’ role is very different than the soldier’s but is still very important to the stability of the son or daughter at war and therefore the stability of our nation as a whole. This role is not visible to most people but felt strongly by those who live it and knowing what to say or not to say is definitely part of that role.

 

 These are the attitudes of people I have experienced and at first I did not know how to react to them.  I usually said nothing because I just didn’t understanding how other Americans felt.

 

1)      They feel sorry for you – that you are a misfortunate parent of a son/daughter caught at a bad time in history.

2)      Your child chose this job – so get over it/ it’s no different than anyone else who chooses a job.

3)      I AM an American citizen; I have a right to my freedom and the protection of my country.  It makes no difference whose son or daughter who is fighting this war.

4)      We shouldn’t be fighting this war – your son/daughter made an unfortunate bad choice in joining the military – now live with it.

5)      There are those who are grateful that another person has chosen to fight for our country, realizing that this decision covers their skin also.

 

I have read the history of our nation and found it interesting how people felt during the various wars of the past. I realized that as time goes on there is less and less loyalty to our country. More and more people feel they deserve or can expect their rights like a spoiled rich child who expects money to be there, who is given much but knows not from where his wealth comes.  More and more people believe their opinion counts and their feelings need to be considered just by being an American. They can go about their busy productive lives and demand their rights if need be. In a real sense it seems as time and wars progress, there’s a nagging feeling that America might be losing her soul.

 

I have friends who tell me how sorry they are that my son is going to war again (he has already been to the war in Iraq three times). These friends know how hard it is on me and I sense that secretly they are glad it is not happening to them. The impression that I get is that the smart ones know how to not get caught and have to go. In some ways some people feel that they are smarter because they have gotten by without their family serving time. To them, only the losers have to go to war.

 

Also I am told about other people who have it worse than I do or know of others who are facing even more of an unfortunate war time experience, thinking this is consoling. Others email me pictures of soldiers who are wounded and scarred from war, physically or psychologically. These words do nothing for encouraging me – they only make me sad mostly because of misunderstanding and ingratitude.

 

Some people just unknowingly tell me my son is not really in danger. They know he flies in planes and believe no harm ever comes to them. It does no good to tell them this is a different kind of war – suicide bombings can happen anywhere. Mistakes will be made. Miscalculations are inevitable and the aftermath of war is a kind of fighting unknown to most. They are removed from these things and so it doesn’t faze them.

 

Many people want to know what my son’s opinion is of the President/our country’s stance on war or some political opinion but I can’t tell them. My son is in the military and hashing over opinions/politics for discussion is not part of what most military soldiers care to do. He signed up to fight for his country and when he is called upon to do so by his superior officers, he obeys the command. He may have an opinion but keeps it to himself while at war for he is not in a position to question war – but only to follow orders.

 

When people ask me, “What are your thoughts now that your son is at war?” 

 I tell them.

“My son, after college, needed to make a choice to work as a civilian or to go into the military ; he chose the military.  I believe he made the harder choice, but the BETTER choice for him – for he is a better person for THIS choice. His character is richer because of it. He has a deeper understanding of life – how precious it is as well as how delicate. He knows first hand about his country, decision-making and that PEACE is something you ‘do’, not just something you talk about or sit back and experience.  My son is putting his life-on-the-line for his fellow Americans and therefore he deserves respect, honor, and to be acknowledged for bravery.  I couldn’t be more proud or feel more worthy as a parent.”

  

If you have any comments or questions, please feel free to email me at mom_military@yahoo.com.  I