I am a Military Mom and my blog is all about what I’ve experienced when my son marches off to war.

I am so much more thankful for all my freedons since my son has joined the military but it has not been easy.

Hope you will read my blog and tell me what you think.

Thanks – in advance

Mil Mom

My Deepest Wish

[The Sealed Packet]

Right now – at this very moment, I can honestly say that what I wish more than anything in the whole world and with all my heart, selfish as it may be, is that my son would NOT have to go to war AGAIN. To deliberately go and put his life in jeopardy, goes against every grain of living breathing moral consciousness I have and it makes me sick. I keep saying over and over “I don’t want him to go – please somebody stop him. Please God – can’t YOU do anything to make this horrible deliberate action of insanity, go away? ”

This is the fourth time for him to go to war, so I have been through this before and I HATE it! Last night he gave me the ‘sealed packet’ that he was required to put together – all his important records that they (the military) require of him to fill out and his ‘will’ stating everything he owns, if something should happen to him (and we all know what that means) will be ‘willed’ to me. It gives me a huge lump in my throat just thinking about it as I take the sealed packet.  He hasn’t said it, but I know there is the ‘letter ‘ in there also – the one that is from him to me that I can read only if he doesn’t come home. I hate accepting the packet and knowing he will be putting his life on the line once again. I try not to show all the emotion I’m feeling and he tells me in as casual a way as he can – but I can tell he waited and prepared for this moment. He feels the heaviness of what is in the sealed packet and I feel it too. I am instructed to put it in a safe place and a place I will remember. “Some people tape it to the back of the freezer section of their refrigerator,” he tells me, “in case the house burns down it is less likely to catch fire there.” But he tells me it is up to me to put it anywhere I choose as long as I understand the importance of its contents and know where it is at all times. I thank him and smile but then that night; it’s hard to hold back the tears let alone go to sleep, just knowing that I HAVE TO accept the possibility of ever needing to open that sealed packet. I want to bury it and never have to look at it ever. Pretend it doesn’t exist.

Then too, the packet reminds me of the past, what I’ve been through before and I don’t LIKE being reminded.

When the time comes for him to leave, I have to be as courageous as he, because you don’t want him to remember you crying, even though the pain is searing and it’s hard to keep back the tears or possibly shaking. You hug and kiss him, wishing and wanting to never let go but you have to and finally you do. Then he bravely walks away and goes his-way and you turn and go yours but from that time forward, your life is not anywhere near normal to any degree. You carry his burden with you and the burden of all fighting soldiers on your shoulders and in your heart. You feel the weight of the word “freedom” and wonder “why” ALL Americans don’t feel it too. A dark cloud comes over you and follows you wherever you go. You will not be able to laugh again until you see his face again; it’s even hard to smile. The light has gone out, the music in the background has stopped but you go through the motions of everyday life anyway. There is no reason to wear your pierced earrings or makeup now. Everyday life seems hollow. You can’t watch television much for everything you look at becomes increasingly “STUPID”. You want to watch the news at times but it is just too close to home when they talk about the war and any more, what news is ‘good’ news anyway. There is nothing you care to hear. Most nights you aren’t able to sleep – you lay on your bed just wondering;  ”Where is he?, Is he OK?, Does he need anything?” – and – your mind doesn’t quit. It just goes on and on through the night sometimes till dawn. The only thing I know to do to help the time pass is work as alone as I can, exercise regularly, talk to good friends who understand where you are coming from (and that’s very few), and pray. I pray a lot! “God, PLEASE watch over my son, he’s your son too who loves you and is right now fighting for his country. PLEASE send your angels to guard and protect him. All things are in YOUR power and I pray for his safe return home. Help others to know YOU and for everyone to want and work for love of one another and world peace. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.”

AND deep down I do understand and have to ask myself – - –

BUT who WILL defend our country so others can have the freedom of laughter? Who will stand up for what’s right so our country is not invaded with wrong? Who has the courage to fight?  Who will be brave enough that they are willing to die for their country? Who will deny themselves the right to question “why” and simply step forward, trusting their military superiors that they have ALL the information needed and therefore make intelligent decisions? Who will follow commands even when they know it leads to death?.

Will YOU? Would I? So easy to say “Well, I don’t believe in killing” so you let somebody else do it for you. (for it has to be done by somebody for us to keep our freedom that we so naively take for granted)

So easy to go about your own life filled with family and friends at church, celebrations, parties or family reunions.

So easy to forget all the lives who have already died so that you might LIVE – in FREEDOM!

I am reminded of God’s ultimate of sacrifices – His Son.

May our roots of caring go deep – THAT deep.

May our hearts and minds be attentive to truth – God’s truth.

May we never forget.  May we live in appreciation and then in hope. May we worship our GOD who cares and controls – even in time of war.

 (But does it change my feelings now?

NO, – I STILL wish more than anything, that my son did NOT have to go to war.)

My son has gone to war –

I can’t believe it’s true

They say I can’t know where he’s at

Or how to write or talk to him

He’s disappeared into hazy combat

He’s in some country in a far off land

Living in a tent

He’s fighting for his country but

No one knows where he went

But the music here at home plays on

And the people laugh and dance the same

Do they know my son’s life’s at stake?

Do they understand the risk he takes?

Why can’t they see this weight I carry

This burden we are bearing?

They are free to do as they please,

Wouldn’t you think they’d be more caring?

Does anyone really care?

News tells of war and captives – as if they’re strangers

Do people forget that they are there -

That their lives are still in danger?

I feel it every day

Whether I go here or there

It doesn’t seem to make a difference

Wherever I go – I seem to stare.

My son has chosen the hard path for his life,

But will he be honored for it?

Will his country know he’s helped to change the world?

Or even realize that they are ‘happy now’ because of it?

People take their freedoms for granted

They come and go as they please.

They are free to worship God, free speech, free press

Most anything they wish can be done with ease

I feel it now and hope I never forget it

For if  YOUR son ever goes to war

YOU would feel it too and only hope

You live to never regret it.

It would be nice if he could be ‘thanked’

For putting his life on the line for his fellow-man

But most people don’t think about that

Only that they are “Proud to be an American”.

When will he come home?

Nobody knows!

He can’t tell me because they can’t tell him

And you live in a zone of ’unknowns’.

Why am I a mother who cares?

The world tries to teach you not to –

Money is all that matters to most

Drop your kid off at daycare, don’t be bothered.

The world will teach him its ways

He’ll find love eventually someday – they say

The earth just spins round, you can’t change it,

While you join the crowd that’s living “to just make it”.

BUT –

My son has gone to war

And I believe he makes a difference

To change this fast paced world of ours

Into a ‘people-come-first’ and are ‘worth it’ significance

God proved to me when he sent His son to the cross

That life requires sacrifice and sharing

For my son and me – we know what’s real

And that His love is revealed through caring.

So – life is worth living, IF you are willing to die –

To die to self and for what you believe in.

Our democracy gives us the freedom to choose -

To choose God, life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness.

MY SON IS AT WAR – I’m so proud of him!

God cares for us – so we care for them.

(And that’s all that really matters).

You see God gave first, Christ changed our hearts

And now we have reason for living.(and dying)